I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
