i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
