I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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