But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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