I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
