i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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