i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
