If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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