Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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