i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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