dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
