remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
