First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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