there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
