I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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