So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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