I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
