I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
