Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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