i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
