Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
