Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it's like iHOP with fire
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
