my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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