No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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