I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need to calm my uterus...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
