forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
