it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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