We won't sleep together?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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