cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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