Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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