if you like me you must not know who I am
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
