I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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