I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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