How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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