Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
