That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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