u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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