I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
