false alarm. still invincible.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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