I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
