There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
