I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
