I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
