Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
