I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
