i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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