her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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