she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
