I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
