sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
